Quest for desire...

The plot of the 1981 movie "Quest for Fire" is not about the search for fire, but rather, the quest for our own purpose, procreation and love. I know, I know, go throw up...

Fast forward 50 million years (not sure if it's just a few hundred thousand years ago, I embellish). Men and women still desire the same basics of survival. We act the same way, just a little more refined. I'm sure 50 million years from now, humans will study our existence, our mythology and say "wow, they were really backwards."

The search for women (from my perspective) has led me to try every known, and some less known, avenues to meet and connect with females in my quest. I'm not too proud to admit that there is no singular superior methodology of meeting females. I would therefore assume women are no more advantaged than men. 

Our society and even our cultures revere the "couple." Everything around us is structured to accommodate and reward those who have chosen coupledom. For instance, the "single supplement," when traveling. You pay more to occupy a room only because you have travelled alone. When I have dined on my own, I'm sure people are either feeling sorry for me or assume I am a business traveller. When I get invited anywhere, I constantly asked if I'm bringing my spouse or a guest. Everyone around me is coupled-off.

I, however, do not despair. For I know lurking in the hearts of all of those couples is the burning question: "would I have been better off single?"

My answer to those of you: "No."

Surprised? Let me tell you why. Remember, this is all a matter of perspective.

     to be continued...

age in the new age

I've never succumbed to the societal norm that one should be with someone close to one's age. Today, I'm certain I'm judged by the age of the women I date. To be clear, I have never chosen my mates based on their age. I date the women I relate to at the time. 

When I was younger, much younger, I was very "old" mentally.  I found myself associating with an older crowd, therefore older women. Today, my mentality is much different. I've loosened up, I'm in a "transitional" state of mind. I relate to women much younger.

There are so many judgements passed on us. We seek approval and make our decisions based on satisfying the nebulous "they." I'm not certain where or who I was seeking approval, but I now know that I cannot truly identify "them." Our society places a tremendous amount of pressure on us as individuals. For girls, it's the media view of beauty, for men, it's the accepted norm of being a provider. Make no mistake, one consistent complaint I hear from the most independent of women is they wish men were more "manly" and did all the things they grew up expecting. All those poor guys who are classified as "nice" don't stand a chance in a world where they are told to respect and appreciate women, treat them as equals and don't judge by external beauty.

Well, I have a shocking truth - men and women, both genders, have been so well programmed that we are both expected to know how to balance meeting the societal, traditional role norms and our new world reality of equality. Yes, I know there are always exceptions. But again, I'll contend that the most independent of women are only that way because they thought they had to do that or because they can't find a man to be a "man." That's pretty f--ked up if you ask me.

I don't understand...

I have yet to understand how or why women I am NOT interested in continually hunt me down lol. Like seriously! I want the girls I want to want me that much! I want them to force themselves on me lol.

Is it that I have no interest, so I seem more mysterious? More aloof? More desirable? Is it that because they want me I push them away or lose interest?

I know, I ask more questions than I have answers, but I suppose they are rhetorical in many ways. I do believe, fundamentally, all of us (men and women) want what we cannot have or what is perceived as difficult to get. Unfortunately, when we meet someone and want them our ability to stay calm, cool, aloof and distant is difficult - at best! We immediately play our hand,  we totally become complete losers! :-) I mean that in a sarcastic sense (maybe)

Interesting Lyrics...

I like this song, because I relate to the lyrics.

Sure, it's a bit of a cliché, using the metaphor of addiction, but let's face it, it's a damn good metaphor.

It also made me wonder; if I record a song and "feature" Justin Timberlake, will it be a hit?

How do you know?

Have you ever REALLY been in love? or was it merely an extended case of infatuation?

Love is defined as "a feeling of deep affection."

Infatuation is defined as "an intense, but short lived passion."

Hmmmmmmm.

Only people I've really loved weren't of the romantic variety, when I think about it. Even my longest relationships weren't really love. Besides, is it love if only one person is in love? What about if you're in a relationship and your partner loves you more than you will ever love them? Are you in love? 

I think it's infatuation if it doesn't last forever. Idealistic, yes. But, does anyone disagree? 

time/value consideration

What's the time/value/benefit derived from any relationship? In a business, career or any other non-romantic relationship we set boundaries, expectations, commitment levels (time and otherwise) based on our desired and actual outcomes. Simple. 

In romantic relationships we rarely look at it this way. Emotions determine our interest level, our time commitment and ultimate expectations. In every relationship, there is always one person "more" interested, committed etc. Always an imbalance.

Is it wrong to take a logical view? A business "transactional" view of a romantic relationship? What I mean is this - should both parties set out their specific expectations at the onset? Does this make for a better relationship?

I find myself consistently disappointed. I'm sure my expectations are way too high. But are they? If I commit to show interest, take initiative and invest in the relationship, should I not see an equal or greater return? Is my thinking way off??

Reality is never objective...

When it comes to relationships, all forms of them, each party has their own version of reality - a subjective reality. Ask two people what happened, you get two stories, from two different perspectives. 

When a relationship ends, one of you is hurt more than the other. The initiator has had plenty of time to mentally break-up, mourn the end of the relationship and begin to move on. Then you get the news - surprise! But, I argue that none of us who have ever been lucky (yes, lucky) to ever to have been in that position were really totally blindsided. We just had our own subjective reality. We are so blinded by our emotions and what we see the other person as, we fail to really look for a deeper meaning. After all, if we did that, we'd be suspicious, untrusting people right? There are so many perspectives, it's numbingly circular. 

Who's to say what you should do. I have been in both situations. Have you ever wanted to say something, but you didn't, then as time passes on it gets harder to say because then you get into the "why didn't you tell me earlier" scenario.

What's right? What's respectful? My view of the world is we all have to take responsibility for ourselves and our own happiness. I'm starting to believe that in order for you to be happy you have to make YOU the priority. I don't think being selfish is necessarily wrong. What good are you to you and everyone around you if you are unhappy with the decisions you make? What happens when you don't ask or demand what it is you need or want?