Confidence: attraction or distraction?

I am sometimes embarrassed by the sheer volume of women I have met over the past couple of years. I'm sad to say that I have forgotten most. And the ONLY ones I seem to remember are the ones that were strange or pissed me off. What does that say about me?

One thing that I have found curious is the attribute of confidence. Too little or too much is not attractive. In fact, I find myself questioning why someone has so much confidence. I remember a quote by Cindy Crawford "what was she given in self-confidence that I wasn't?" of course, referring to J. Lo's huge ass. 

What makes these strange women stand out? I think it's a perversely misplaced confidence. I myself live by the notion that I want the people I come into contact with to remember me. No one remembers "regular" or "normal" people. 

When do we know?

"There's never a right time to say goodbye, but I gotta make the first move, 'cause if I don't you're gonna start hating me" 

A great lyric from a Chris Brown song. We've all been there. We're with someone, things change, not sure how or why. In one of my earlier posts I said there's only infatuation and love. As an addendum to that thought, I accept that love can evolve. But what happens to us? I don't want to explore why we fall out of love, but why is it that we stay silent. In the process of waiting we actually hurt the other person more. Then we start to get mad at them. We blame them. We become cowards. We want them to break up with us. That's why there are so many people with such negative experiences resulting from the cowardice of one.

Sadly, I've been on both sides. But, I learned that I can't be the coward. Funny enough, most of the women that have been a part of my life still remain in my life. But the one's that were cowards, well they aren't and I believe they feel the absence. Because all relationships make us who we are. 

Do we ever really want to know the answer?

And for that matter, do we ever really want to tell someone the real reason we haven't called them back, or cancelled at the last minute or mysteriously disappeared of the face of the planet?

I had a great conversation with an amazing woman recently. We actually explored this topic. Being as beautiful as she is, oh, and by the way, she has a wonderful personality, she had yet to experience the disappearing man, the lack of the promised phone call or any other form of follow-up. I explained that, in her case, no one in their right mind would not follow-up with her. It was then I realized the underlying problem so many of us face. We actually believe that people will do what they say, so we sit around waiting. When I stopped waiting and went on with my life, I had no time to wonder why some woman wasn't interested in me. The fact is, there are far many more that are interested. Besides, do I really want to hear someone say "I'm not really that interested" or "I'm not attracted to you." It's better I don't hear that. It's better you don't hear it either.

Media and beauty

I have an issue of grave importance. It relates to what we have been selling to youth. Now I realize my comments are generalization, but hear me out.

The media's portrayal of beauty and how it impacts young women. I had been told that women are, en masse, trying to meet the standards set by television. You know, thin, big boobs, great bod etc. Well, I think we did a great job telling girls NOT to pay attention because I have to say something. 

WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED??????

This idea of loving one's body as it is and not worrying about appealing to anyone has become so pervasive that I have to say something. It's not right! The pendulum has swung way too far. Everywhere I go I see young women (I mean in their 20's) who are sloppy. They are overweight. They don't take care of themselves. What expectations do they have? Seriously, I won't date them. Even when I was a flabby man, I wouldn't. Now that I'm in great shape, what do you think has happened to my expectations.

We are promoting a culture, that I fear, will result in what I see when I visit the U.S. I have alway contended, and I do still believe this. In Canada we have the most beautiful women i have ever seen, but we are destroying that!!!

The other side of the story...

I'm starting to wonder how the "other" side of the story is told. I learn when I listen. I learn about the person, how they think, their value system, their flaws and their ability to be honest  - mostly to themselves. But mostly, as the selfish man I am, I learn about myself. I have such a hunger to sate, that I am constantly hoping for a morsel to feed this ravenous need.

I have told, as so many others, about my tale of woe. About how I was mistreated and taken for granted. I have heard similar stories from many women. It's only now, when I apply my own learning, much of which I have shared through this blog in previous entries, that I wonder what is told about me. That is a thought no one should ever think!  What if Im not this god-like creature I presume to be?

Well, I put my objective hat on and thought: what are my flaws? what attributes, habits, opinions, smells, anything! - what is it that can be said about me?

Perhaps all of my allegory tells the tale. I think too much. It's not my place to criticize me. Perspective is subjective on its best days. We should all listen to each others stories and accept them as they are told.

I'll continue to believe I am the best man for the job, otherwise, I won't believe in myself. Why should I continue to pursue perfection, when clearly, perfection is not a highly desired trait.

Pizza Libretto

This is a total non-sequitur, but Pizza Libretto was a complete and utter disappointment. Real Neopolitan Pizza my ass! There used to be a place up on Steeles Avenue in Woodbridge called La Madonnina, now they had great pizza.

I had to say something. 

Reason, Season, Lifetime...

I hate that little anecdote. I despise it because it makes me think that I am nothing more to someone than one of those first two types of relationships. I know it's supposed to help me get over why some relationships didn't work, but the fact is, it just makes me more upset.

To think I was nothing more than someone who came into someone's life to help them through a rough spot - do I hear "rebound?" 

Or that I passed through as a season would. Maybe it was just a physical affair. 

This stuff doesn't make me feel good! Whether I was the benefactor or beneficiary of the benefit does not make it any better.

So please, everyone, stop quoting this horrid horrid anecdote!!!!!