All's FEAR in love and war...

Fear is probably the single greatest nemesis of every person. It causes sane people to make irrational decisions and normally calm people to suddenly become total dorks.

When you have fear under control, we think straight, act rationally and even seem cool.

Now the paradox is this, the women I am most interested in cause me to lose total control of my cool. The ones I'm not interested in at all, well, I act totally nonchalant and guess what? They are totally all over me.

I know what I have to train myself to do. But it ain't easy!

Alone, but not lonely

Should I be surprised? Times when I have been surrounded by people I have felt alone. On my own, I never feel lonely. Other times I want to be alone. My own company is the best company. While I search to fill an imaginary void, I only find more emptiness and I find myself becoming the matter that fills another's vacuum. In searching, I only find more unknown.

Small wonders...

Defining moments. The times that impact our lives. Not always life changing, but defining. The emotions associated with the moment. The memory, carried on my shoulder, like so much excess weight. One defining moment replacing a no longer significant moment. Perhaps the only way past the pain is to experience new ones.

Facing fear...

I still can't face some of my fears. Ignorance and isolation are wonderful things when used to protect my emotional well-being. But, in my mind, logic tells me that if I control the dosage and face my fear a little each day or every once in a while, eventually, I will become immune to the fear and even the pain the knowledge brings.

What's in a name?

Shakespeare was right after all, a rose by any other name would smell the same as the flower we call the rose (excuse my literary license).

I wanted this blog to be record of my experiences in dating. I found that extremely difficult to write about. I felt like I would be telling tales out of school. Instead, it's turned into a Freudian exercise in self analysis.

Dating has taught me much. About myself and about others. About chemistry and lust and love and infatuation. It has made me ponder my priorities, my values, my choices, my judgements and most of all realize that wisdom is not desirable. There is a power in ignorance. There is an energy and fearlessness of youth. Confidence comes with a price.

It's been a while...

Since I last wrote. I have been wondering about what I will refer to as "the pointless search for purpose." This search has me, maybe everyone else, substituting "purpose" with finding this elusive other person who will alleviate our loneliness, unhappiness and general malaise.

I've discovered that it's the search itself that brings on these unhealthy emotions for me. Only when I am free from this nagging need to find someone that fits this role of making me happy, am I actually happy!

Failure to launch

It's a recurring theme, I'm sad to say, the situations I find myself in lead me to ask myself questions I can't answer.

Some situations are surreal, somewhat out-of-body, where I am a third party observer of this maestro of seduction. Sadly, those situations are few. Most of the time I'm lovingly called a dork. Stumbling, fumbling, stuttering and struggling. It's a wonder women find me remotely attractive.