Taking my own advice

I had to call someone else today to rant about a situation. Why? Because I couldn't think straight to know what I should do.

Every now and then I read my past entries and you know what? I should listen to what I have to say. It's not advice, just observations. Yet why is it the lessons I've learned seem so hard to implement or even remember when I need them? That's a lesson I have yet to learn.

Mid-life crisis or just a late bloomer

I read an article that outlined the symptoms of a mid-life crisis. Interestingly, it only takes one position. I have another.

Some men, like myself, start early in life and focus on work or career. I didn't have a relationship with a woman until very late in my twenties. I never partied, I never did crazy things because I always felt I had to stay in control, be responsible. I don't think I missed out at all. I do think that I lacked the confidence and the head space to enjoy myself.

"It's not until we lose everything that we are free to do anything." - one of the many great lines from "Fight Club". (yes, I know the periods are in different places with respect to the quotations.)

I am now, at 40, more confident in myself and ready to take on experimentation and trial. I can let loose finally. I'm not struggling with who I am or who I am not. I just am. I've always have a little sports car, that's nothing new. I've always dressed well and youthful, that's nothing new. So, I say, mid-life crisis doesn't apply to all of us.

Get what you give...

First, remember this is written from a male perspective, but I don't consider myself the averge male. I am somewhat evolved or enlightened or just different. But, that's a whole different blog entry.

Lately I've become aware of an interesting dynamic - projection. I am likely one of the most honest, genuine and sincere people anyone will ever meet. I do what I say, even when situations change and I have a good reason to change. When I am mistrusted I get pissed. Then, guess what? I start to become an a--hole. I actually become what the person projected onto me. Funny or strangely enough, then they seem ok.

Behaviours like this reinforce my belief that most women (and men I'm sure) cannot accept seemingly smooth interactions. I'm not perfect. No one is.

I need a pace car...

A pace car is used at some race tracks, most notably the Indianapolis Motor Speedway. It allows for a rolling start. Every car gets to warm up and all the cars are moving at the same speed. Now, in Formula One, it's totally different. Standing start. Everyone just goes!

Keeping pace in a relationship, or at the beginning of one, means moving at the pace of the slowest participant. Trying to rush and move things along quicker just results in disaster.

Too much of a good thing...

It's feast or famine. When I'm attracted to a woman I can't get enough - that is, until I get too much. I feast and feast. Then I'm full. When I'm moderate and ration my portions, I totally lose control. It's as if I'm starving - ALL THE TIME. Starving for her time, her attention, her everything. It's great, but I feel so powerless.

With that powerlessness comes loss of rational thought. Inability to control my emotional state from moment to moment.

At least when I feast I can stay sharp, focused, in some form of control.

Houdini wasn't just an illusionist

He was renowned for his ability to ESCAPE. Cowardice usually is the cause for flight. When faced with the age old dilemma of being honest and brave, most of us choose to hide and/or run.

Fair trade

While having a cup of Fair Trade coffee I thought to myself - does that mean that other coffee is somehow unscrupulously procured? Of course, that sparked my mind to think of women and my experiences in relationships.

There seems to always be some form of trade going on. When that trade become imbalanced - think trade deficit or trade surplus - that's when things go wrong.