Closer to understanding...

Or maybe closer to accepting. I now know what I dislike, specifically. I dislike that I have yet to feel that I receive what I should in any of my past relationships. Well, I will exclude my recreational relationships. Those are straight forward. I have always felt I have given more than I received. And when I think about it, I know I'm not being subjective.

As long as I cannot get over that expectation that every woman gets way too much from me, I don't believe I will ever be prepared to give 100%.

I'm selfish

Ever had an epiphany? I had one today. I have always said I was selfish, but never KNOWN TRULY that I am selfish. It was a slow progression. I started off being a considerate, caring and generous guy. Then I slowly devolved into the man I am today.

Inventing myself

Being a chameleon is not easy, for that matter, neither is being oneself. Every time I meet a new prospective girlfriend, I start as myself. I adjust the information I share and my reactions and interactions. I do so in order to make the best first impression, other wise known as "making the sale."

I don't always make the sale, but I have a very good closing ratio. It becomes frustrating when I cannot complete the sale sometimes. These women become a long term goal. When I consider the fact that eventually I get what I want, I know it's merely an investment of time and patience.

Unfortunately, once I get the object of my distraction, I feel fulfilled. Then I move on. 

Going, going, gone...

Learning from the past requires the ability to analyze a multitude of variables. After careful study there are a few variables that seem curiously significant. Laugh all you want, but birth sign plays a role.

With that in mind, I endeavour to seek out certain signs to test my thesis. So far, Libras are bad. So are Aquarius, Aries and Scorpios. Eventually, I hope to determine the signs that work. This way I have a better than average chance of succeeding. Then again, I'm sure I'll discover other meaningful variants that impact the survivability of a relationship.

What's the point?

I'm a huge proponent of relationships, yet I don't "feel" it for myself. 

That thought hangs over me constantly. I realized some time ago that I discovered the wizard behind the curtain. My experiences have shown me things that dishearten me. My conversations with women have opened my eyes. It's hard to be an idealist when my exploits have tarnished my core beliefs.

Why do women cheat?

Different reasons than men mostly. Sure there are similar reasons, but from what I have experienced, witnessed and participated has peeled away another layer of the female mystique.

There's nothing wrong with the men these women cheat on. It's usually something conjured up in their minds. One girl swore to me she was single and no longer seeing her boyfriend. Her boyfriend was unambitious and spoiled. Had everything handed to him. He was boring. Fortunately for me I don't take anything women say as gospel. I read between the lines. Highly subjective creatures women. 

Usually a woman cannot explain why they do it. I can. They are cowards. Men cheat for completely different reasons. Women use it as a method to be prepared to break up, or cause a break up or other insidious reasons. They don't do it because they are always neglected or a man cannot take care of them. Sure there are men that prey on women who are experiencing challenging times in their relationships. But I look deeper. 

It's simpler when we each get what we want

Occurs to me that the best interactions, I use that in place of relationships, are simplest when each participant knows, and gets, what they want. I have had a multitude of these. I've had the more societally accepted relationships as well. 

As I walk through many cities alone and observe the various cultures, we are more similar than not. Couples. Everyone's a couple. All at various points in their relationship cycle. I sometimes feel as if I have become too aware. My awareness leads me to simplicity.