Things I lost

Of all of the things I've lost in my life so far, the things that I realize that I miss the most are:

1. my naiveté: every time my heart was broken, it healed, but the scar tissue has hardened it;

2. my ability to see the good in people: I really am approaching becoming skeptical, not quite a cynic just yet. I still go in believing in the best, but I watch for the signs!

3. I'm no longer a gentleman. Yes, sad to say this. I treat a woman on the first date as any other person (which is still really good anyway).

4. If I don't get laid within max 3 dates, I'm gone: this is just practical.

5. I am extremely selfish: It's all about me now. I really don't even care if the women I date have a good time or not. As long as I look good, it strokes my ego and I get what I want, well, I'm happy.

None of these things were ever me. No one is to blame. I won't make excuses for my reactions and choices. It is what it is.

Accountability is scarce

Nothing is certain when it comes to women. Now, I know this is a general statement, so for those females that actually do what they say, you likely still know what I'm talking about.

The Swiss are known for their precision time pieces. You can set your watch by it! What I've come to accept, after many attempts at refusing to accept the truth, is that most women can never be on time of be counted on. In business, this is not true, but in life, yes.

Point of no return

Life has changed so much for me. I find myself wondering if I can go back. It's like I ate the fruit from the forbidden tree and now I'm much more "knowledgee." I'm glad life threw me a couple curves. I would not have done and experienced what I have.

Happiness is not conditional

We've all seen the eHarmony commercials. You know, the ones where people claim that they are officially happy now that they are no longer alone. When did our individual happiness become conditional upon finding this elusive mate?

When I think of my past relationships I think of the insecurities that being with someone created. Now, I have said that I preferred being in a relationship, but for context, it's better than constantly hunting for a mate.

Rollercoasters

I hate them. They make me want to puke. I never liked them. Yet my life is one. My heart and my penis are one. There is no in between. I actually fall in love with women until I sleep with them. It makes me laugh at myself. I remember in my not-so-distant past, when it would take me a few weeks to get a woman in bed. I would pitch woo as only a man in love could! Then, after I got her, well, you know. One girl actually reminded me of all the wonderful things I said and wrote (she kept everything). It was very surreal to read the garbage I actually wrote with my penis, er, my heart, ummm, you know what I mean. That stuff actually works!

Baggage is an STD

I was healthy once, well, healthier anyway. In my naivety, I chased and allowed myself to fall for women with considerable baggage. I now have a tractor trailer load of baggage. I suppose I could also call it life lessons. Either way, they are the    things I watch for, refuse to accept and have coloured my view of women.

In what seems like an endless conversation, I find myself acutely aware of my deal breaker list, but really, everything is on that list! My filter for a possible mate is so fine that I am 99.3% positive no woman will succeed at passing through each one.

So, my question is, what is worse, a physical disease or emotional scarring? I don't like either, but I enjoy being healthy, at least I have that.

Time favours men

There are a few women in my life (that I have dated) who have hit the age where they are now fighting to maintain their looks. They're very attractive women, even hot, but after that age (it really is different for every woman) they start the decline. Their skin visibly changes. Not just its appearance, but also its texture and feel. Everything seems different. I lived in a world of no comparison until I was single. Then everything became apparent to me.

Hate me for saying this, but I have become better with age. Even more so than most guys my age. I fall within the smaller group of guys that improve with age. I enjoy every second of it.