Thinking too much

Thinking too little. My mind swings like a pendulum. I know why. Rationalization. Whenever I cannot have what I want, when I want it, I rationalize. I tell myself that I want things that I shouldn't want. Basically, I am a suck.

Hiatus

I decided to take a brief hiatus from everything that seem to become a habit. Yet, elimination of one set of habits means I need replacements.

How does one reconnect with oneself? Seeking out interests beyond vocation are difficult.

Then I make an observation. I am lost. I have no idea where I am going, but I sure know where I've been (sorry David Coverdale). Now I have that song in my head.

Maybe Cloverdale was right? As long as I can remember I have been alone. Perhaps I waste too much time trying to be someone I'm not.

We're fun 'til we're boring...

We try so hard to impress the person we're interested in. We concoct elaborate outings and evenings, just to spend a little time with that other person. We make them feel so special. They think we're so interesting. Then things progress - a relationship ensues...


Then what? Then we start seeing each other several times a months, to a couple times a week to every day. Then both parties really get to see each other in their respective states. Life isn't an ongoing outing. Life isn't a party every day. Most of the time, life is about living. It includes the boring stuff. 


Seems to me that those of us who bounce around from person to person are really living in a fantasy world. A world where every day and every night and every weekend is about doing "something." Doing "nothing" is still something. New is exciting, I agree. But, there's something to be said for the known. 

Falling...

Or maybe just tripping and stumbling. Whatever happens before one totally falls. I worry that when I meet someone I am genuinely interested in, I get a little too assertive and want things to move too quickly. I said before I need a pace car. But there's something else I need.

I need to take the time to be open and learn and get to know the person. I want to have a deep relationship, but I worry that I will enter the "friend zone."

I know too much

There are "know it all's," but I'm not that. I'm more of a man that knows too much. Or, perhaps, I know too little and I think I know a lot.

Every thought is the result of a spark. What sparked this thought is a self observation. I am always transposing myself with the other person(s) I am engaged in some form of discussion. Every discussion to me is an exercise in assessment. I analyze others, I analyze myself. It gives me an advantage in every situation. I never underestimate my opponent (yes, interesting choice of words). I am never certain whether I am being underestimated.

This ability has allowed me to, more often than not, figure the other person out.

Telling the truth can be serious business...

The only funny scene in the all time worse movie "Ishtar" is the opening scene when Hoffman and Beatty try to compose a song. The song is entitled "Telling the truth can be serious business."

I agree. When I endeavour to be honest it often times is WAY too much for anyone to handle. We all have our own truth. Perhaps concealing the truth is best. A little mystery is a good thing.

Manifest destiny

It occurred to me today that as our priorities change our world responds. Major changes in our lives occur as a result in a change in ourselves first. We often think that external forces are causing shifts and we are reacting. In fact, I believe it's the exact opposite.
Awareness and acceptance are a far better reaction that fear and frustration.