Start of a New Year!

Hey, since I'm up, thought I'd post entry number 1 for 2011. I wonder if anyone reads this anymore? I check my stats and clearly there are. I wonder if anything I say has any kind of minute impact on anyone.

The streets of Toronto are filled with people rushing around screaming, some a little drunk ;)

We need to celebrate more. People seem to be have high hopes for each new year. Each year it will be "their" year. I do wish them well, but I have to ask, why not just start. Pick any day. Decide to change your life. Stop waiting.

End of another Year

Ok, I suppose this is my year end blog post. Gotta get one in! It was a long time ago that I started this as a way to deal with my hurt and anger. My report back is that I'm much better and to quote U2 "a heart that hurts, is a heart that beats." 

We can't really enjoy life without the contrast of failure and hurt. I would hope that at some point I'd get better at dealing with the personal risks. 

I don't do resolutions. Resolutions should be fluid and part of our self improvement, if we care to improve. Another day, another day to heal is the lesson I have learned.

Balancing logic and emotions

Whenever I find myself getting too emotional I rely on my negotiation skills. An important concept in negotiations is not being over zealous. I counter my desire my ensuring I have options. This way, I am not fully vested into anyone.

I know that sounds cold, but within the context of dating, I keep my options open at all times. I don't burn my ships right away and go full on into "this is the person." That's a huge mistake which clouds my judgement and my ability to control supply and demand. 

Can't be what I'm not

Baggage, no baggage, patterns, no patterns, unrealistic expectations, no expectations, none of it matters. At my core, I am who I am. I am over analytical. I measure and weigh. I observe and deduce. I mostly strive to be brutally honest with myself. No point in lying to me!

What I have realized is I just don't want a relationship bad enough. When I want something badly, I work my ass of to get it. When I don't, well, that's where the term "half-ass" originates.

Ideas

Powerful, yet fragile. We all know the Victor Hugo quote "there's nothing more powerful than an idea whose time has come." All great achievements and endeavours began as a simple idea. Relationships are no different.

What happens along the way? Do we build our empire only to see it torn apart by individual wants and desires? There will always be those who live and die by the idea, but ideas are indeed fragile. They must be vigilantly defended and nurtured. Our failures, our weaknesses, our inability to stay the course. I think these are the things that ultimately lead to our demise.

We look back at our glory days, the good times. What happens? They are moments in time. Then other small things erode those great times, our victories. 

Insecurities surface

Only when I become attracted enough to become vulnerable do I then fully experience my insecurities. It's been so easy categorizing my relationships into meaningful friendships and recreational pursuits.

Why did I choose to go down this road again. Old feelings of trust, rejection and abandonment surface. Why do emotions complicate things? Living with heart doesn't offer any more upside highs than living thoughtfully and logically. In fact, I think it's just plain stupid.