To call or not to call...

It's not even calling anymore. There are so many more options! Texting, email, facebook, smoke signals...

I still don't get it. If I call you and send you a message and never hear from you, I don't try anymore.

I'm not sure what the other is thinking and why (no matter how hard or shitty life is) to just say "can't talk, need time" or something like that.

The other night a crazy woman that I had not heard from in two months sends me a text message saying "you're something else" - what the hell does that mean? I know it was meant for me.

Life is random, so are my thoughts.

When

I'm not sure what feels worse: Is it hearing that someone has no interest in you or is it when someone you're interested in puts you on ignore?

They both suck. I suppose the ambiguity of not knowing is better. It hurts less I suppose. The directness of rejection is painful, but I can move on quicker.

There is so much I don't know, yet I know. I know, in my heart, when I should bother and when I shouldn't. I choose my own path. Therefore I should live with the consequences.

Thinking too much

Thinking too little. My mind swings like a pendulum. I know why. Rationalization. Whenever I cannot have what I want, when I want it, I rationalize. I tell myself that I want things that I shouldn't want. Basically, I am a suck.

Hiatus

I decided to take a brief hiatus from everything that seem to become a habit. Yet, elimination of one set of habits means I need replacements.

How does one reconnect with oneself? Seeking out interests beyond vocation are difficult.

Then I make an observation. I am lost. I have no idea where I am going, but I sure know where I've been (sorry David Coverdale). Now I have that song in my head.

Maybe Cloverdale was right? As long as I can remember I have been alone. Perhaps I waste too much time trying to be someone I'm not.

We're fun 'til we're boring...

We try so hard to impress the person we're interested in. We concoct elaborate outings and evenings, just to spend a little time with that other person. We make them feel so special. They think we're so interesting. Then things progress - a relationship ensues...


Then what? Then we start seeing each other several times a months, to a couple times a week to every day. Then both parties really get to see each other in their respective states. Life isn't an ongoing outing. Life isn't a party every day. Most of the time, life is about living. It includes the boring stuff. 


Seems to me that those of us who bounce around from person to person are really living in a fantasy world. A world where every day and every night and every weekend is about doing "something." Doing "nothing" is still something. New is exciting, I agree. But, there's something to be said for the known.