Words speak louder than actions...

I never seem to learn. Silly me, I had always been under the impression that my actions speak volumes. That, through my actions, I demonstrate my interest and caring for someone else. Sadly, this isn't the case. Saying it, more often than not, absolves one from exhibiting.

I see myself as a petri dish of sorts. I see my experiences as clinical studies, experiments in the mating rituals of the male and female human species. Sad, isn't it. I have to say, that I have been able to say one thing, do another and it be completely accepted. On the other hand, demonstrating my affection, without the requisite verbiage has been seen as lacking.

Have our interactions been distilled down to principles of action or theories that, in the vast majority of cases, are proven through field study?

Sex and the City

I admit it. I watched this movie of my own accord. Sometimes to get an understanding of one's prey, one must immerse oneself into the habitat and conventions of said prey. Aside from rolling my eyes for at least two-thirds of the movie, once I got past the superficial fantasy that this epic tale has bestowed upon female society. A plague of expectations it paints for men. Yes, women seem to forget that they too have promoted an unrealistic view of what relationships, men and life should be. After I looked past all of that, there was much I observed and learned. Much of it hit a little close to home. Perhaps there is something deeper than the love of shoes.

A scene that really hit home for me involved Miranda and Steve. During sex, she makes a remark something like "hurry up and get it over with already." Not surprisingly, he stops, gets up (and out) and next thing we know he's admitting to her that he slept with some random woman. Basically, he goes somewhere else to get laid because, as she told him, she doesn't have time for that. She gets all bent out of shape when he admits his indiscretion.

I wonder why, if you're in a relationship where your partner has no physical interest why would that person be upset if you go somewhere else. I believe love and lust can exist within one relationship, but I also believe it can exist exclusive of one another. Both partners have a responsibility to the relationship, to themselves and to the other person. I understand it's a trust and loyalty issue. I understand that. But let's play out a scenario.

Let's assume my partner thinks it's "work" to have sex with me. Let's also make the assumption that when the relationship began, my partner and I were all over each other like rabbits. Obviously, something changed along the way. Now, let's assume I confront my partner and ask why and what's wrong. If my partner cannot provide honest insight into what she's feeling and things don't change, what is the next course of action? End the relationship? Seek professional help? Go get my physical needs met elsewhere? What is the right thing to do? Is it only my responsibility or should she also take responsibility?

Serial Daters...

Dating is an addiction. Once you start down the path you can't stop. The process is exciting. Perhaps that has created our culture of perpetual singleness, relationships that have a shorter lifespan, desire that seems bottomless.

In a world where we seek the thing that we despise most - perfection. I've discovered time and again that perfection is not a trait that is considered desirable. It's an idea, a fantasy, something we aspire to, but hope we never attain.

Have we evolved or devolved? I question my own intentions. A committed relationship seems like the holy grail, yet, every action, every desire, every thought leads me down a divergent path.

Table of Contents...

We still judge and select our potential mates based on the proverbial Book Cover. Myself included. However, it works against me too. I'm less interested in the content. Strangely enough, I never leave a woman because she was too beautiful. It's always based on the content. Yet, I continue down the path, knowing that one day, that book with the great cover will be full of content I love.

Venting...

Letting off steam, whatever you call it, it's a human function as vital as any other involuntary action. The challenge is how to deal with the person doing the venting. By default, or necessity, I say nothing. I recognize venting as a release and accept that I have been "chosen" as the designated "ventee."

Most of the time, venting is just that. Nothing to read below the surface, but sometimes, I know it has to do with insecurities we harbour. Think about this. Everyone has someone that just grates on our nerves. Have you ever really looked deep into what it is that annoys us? Sure, that person may do a horrible job, or is just an idiot, but, so what? What else is there? Is it that they get away with it? Is it that they get attention? I feel that if we all started with being truthful to ourselves we'd see areas where we need to change or at least acknowledge. Insecurity is a part of life too! Why is it we are obsessed with perfection? It clearly has no real benefit. Perfection sucks! Think about the qualities you like in your partner or friends and tell me if they are perfect or if it's the little crazy things that you dig.

Mrs. Robinson, The Graduate and other irrelevant stuff...

Alfa Romeo decided to call its Spyder the "Graduate" after the popularity of the movie. The last time I saw the movie was far too long ago, but it was a break through movie for its time and frankly, for any time. Every now and then I see reference to it in sitcoms and movies and even the Simpsons!

If life imitates art, I wonder what came first? The art or the life? In my case, I wasn't born until the year after the movie was released. Scary. In some ways, I relate to the complexity of relationships, but like all observers, it's easy to make the rational decision. As the star of my own movie, I'm the tragic or comedic hero. Sadly, or happily, I trudge through my life stumbling into truths that seem like fiction.

I often wonder when it's time to race to the church to stop the girl from marrying the wrong guy.

Baskin Robbins...

Despite having the choice of at least 31 flavours, I'd look and pretty much stick with Vanilla. I love Vanilla, it tastes great. After years of eating only Vanilla, I started eating other flavours, only to realize, Vanilla really is the best flavour.

And so goes my taste in women. Perhaps we all have a type. I wonder what I could have experienced in my childhood that led me to be attracted to the women I am. I won't get into what I like in particular, but I will say, it has likely more to do with the images I was surrounded by than anything else.

Not too long ago, I saw a picture on one of my Facebook "friend's" page. I was shocked, amused and had a soothing sense of superiority and vindication. The picture was of four women. Arguably, four of the most desirable women at my high school. What I saw was four women who let age ravage them. Boy, was I disappointed.

I suddenly realized, once again, what has driven me most my life - the need to "show them." I'm no sure what anyone ever did to me, yet I have this unwavering need to do and achieve things that others only dream or talk about.

I often wonder if there is a "real" me, but then I become cognizant of my self. I am who I am not because of what I am not, but because of what I am. My actions, my decisions, my vices, my needs, my fears, all make me question, seek, strive and hope for more. However, more is yet to be defined...

One thing that never really changes...

is me. I'm the one consistent in every interaction and relationship in my life. We can take a vacation, go somewhere else, wear different clothes, eat different food, maybe speak a different language, but we never really take a vacation from ourselves.

I know my perspective, my attitude my understanding of myself has changed. I;d even say, changed for the better. But how has it served me?

I still find myself struggling. Unable to find an equilibrium. I'm Bill Murray in Ground Hog Day. Everytime I think I am breaking the habit, I find myself buried in a pile of...

Is there really a "ONE?"

We never get all we need (emotionally) from any ONE person.

If that is correct, then how can I ever find one person to satisfy all of my needs within a romantic relationship? Can this be the reason so many of us roam endlessly? Is this what is truly behind being labeled "picky?"

I'm not picky, but I know what I don't want. And, although there is some truth in what my close friends say, that I am attracted to the "party girl" type, the fact is, there is something in them that attracts them to me! Maybe I am suffering from "Charlie Sheen" syndrome, but whoever said everyone had to succumb or live up to generally accepted social behaviours?

Volatility - the ugly truth...

It makes the world go 'round. Without it, stock markets wouldn't offer the casino-like drama and riches. Without it, we wouldn't be able to experience the polarity of euphoria and misery, the emotions that label some as bi-polar, are in fact resident in everyone of us. Degrees of it at least.

I don't read news, yet it finds me! I've recently been inundated with Rihanna/Chris Brown news, I use the term "news" loosely. What has me fascinated is that everyone is so surprised and is offering this couple advice. I would first recommend that we look into our own screwed up relationship history. I'm not condoning physical or verbal abuse, but let's face it, they're adults, they likely have close family and friends around them to help them. But, onto my point.

Every relationship is the victim or beneficiary of volatility. Every couple fights. Usually, it helps create a counterpoint to allow for a period of jubilation. We're all addicted to this drama of life. It reminds us of why we're together. It allows us to feel bad and feel regret. We're all, to some degree, addicted to being in love. I see it in parents. When their child is with them, they feel like they need time away. When the child is absent for a few minutes, never mind a day, they miss the kid so much. When the child returns, it's all hugs and kisses. Ten minutes later, back to normal.