Last post of 2009

If anyone really reads this blog I will sign off with a promise, that I hope I find a way to keep. I really thought this blog would be a forum to share the dates I had experienced. It turned into something entirely different.

I'm a little shy about sharing because I don't want to be seen as a player. I think the women who know me, know I am not. I am an experienced dater :)

My promise is I will write something about every woman I have encountered. By the way, it doesn't mean I had sex with all of them either. Some were lucky enough to experience that ;) Others, well, let's just say we both missed out.

Happy end of 2009. Remember that we make our own destiny. Everything is a result of our own determination and desire.

When you don't know what else to feel, be angry

I struggle with being patient. With total control over my actions despite my emotions. I do the right thing rather than what's right for me. I choose to stay quiet when I should yell. I choose to listen when I should speak.

Anger isn't always a negative emotion. It's a release valve that I need to learn how to use.

Objectivity isn't always the  best solution. Be subjective. Be wrong. Be selfish. That's when happiness has a chance to creep into our lives.

End of the year

I don't like when women stay over. I can't sleep. How did this happen?

The year is coming to an end. This may or may not be my last post this year. I have been thinking about many things in the last 24 hours. One has been why, out of the 50+ women I have known, a couple never seem to be out of my mind. I'll admit it has nothing to do with love. That's where I'm stuck. I wish it was that easy. Maybe it's unresolved, unspoken stuff. Maybe it's closure. Not sure.

I think about about the first younger girl that I dated. The significance of her is the path she set me on. I am thankful to her for opening my mind to young women. I never appreciated them before. Now I love them. I think of the girls that always thought of me and took care of me :) And a couple that still do :D

I think of the girls that I can't remember. They have faded out of my memory, but I remember them vaguely. I think of the girl with the boyfriend that lives in denial that she has one. And possibly lives in denial that she's really a lesbian and isn't interested in men. The awesome women with children. The ones that make it tough to be in any form of relationship. The women that someone is done with, but I'm just getting started.

The interesting ones are always the quirky ones.

What's a reasonable time frame?

The question that has plagued man for centuries (or certainly the last one) is: how  many dates before you have sex?

Over time I have subscribed to various limits myself, but largely it's dependent on a couple key variables. The first being the real interest in the woman. Girls I have been genuinely interested in being in a relationship, well, I let that take it's own path. I want to learn about the person. But, there is a limit to how long I will wait. For me, it's about time and what it is we're doing and have done together. If there isn't sex within a reasonable time frame, I'm done. The other variable is my current need. Sometimes I just need sex. I don't want to waste a lot of time. I actually become a different person when I'm in that mode.

I suppose to answer the question, I would say a reasonable time frame is one that I feel I am still getting something from the interaction. As long as a woman can hold my interest, the longer I'll stick around and wait. But she better be worth it!

Women and money

The two things that bring me the greatest joy and the equivalent stress. The lack of either makes me want them more. When I have them, I am wasteful.

I wonder what life would be without the objects of both my desire and achievement.

Nothing can affect my attitude like the two.

It makes me question what I would do if the two didn't exist...

What makes us stay in a bad relationship?

I've been asking myself this for many years. I know I'm not the only person to have been in an unhappy, unhealthy relationship. Not only was I unhappy, my girlfriend was unhappy. We were mutually unhappy. Neither getting whatever it was we each wanted.

Despite that being the case, I know we had some great times. But great times do not mean people should be together.

We were highly compatible. We could spend hours and days together and talk and even shared some common interests. But that isn't a good reason either.

So what is the reason to be together? Why do we stay in dysfunctional and unhappy situations?

I thought it was fear. I thought "who else would want to be with me?" Well, I have found many a woman that wants to be with me. I know it's not that.

I thought is was apathy. Maybe. Maybe we just don't care enough to let the dissatisfaction override our logic. After all, maybe the person in question is fine, for the most part.

I've never been looking for "the ONE," this elusive concept sold to everyone for so long. I've never been looking for "the ONE" and maybe that's why I haven't found her yet.

I have met so many women that are in relationships and yet, they are looking and available. I think they believe in true love or this mythical one individual who will save them.

But somewhere, someone is tired of someone else. And that someone else is someone we're interested in. For a little while anyway.

So why is it so hard to leave a bad relationship? I think it's just that it's too much work. We are complacent. Relationships take effort. Why not ignore the one you're in???

The cure isn't really working

I use women as my cure to the failures I've had with other women. I'm not certain it's the best way to deal with how I have felt when I have failed in relationships. New women are distractions and they certainly help me find moments of peace. Otherwise, I am still this guy who has not been able to let go.

Out of place

Watching everyone else do what they are "supposed" to do, as is expected and as is told. I feel like an observer living my life in an alternate universe while still participating in everyone else's.

There are others like me. I know. Because they participate in my lifestyle. My own sub-culture that exists only in most's thoughts.

Great expectations

I woke asking myself "what the hell am I thinking?"

The question related to my choice in females (sometimes). I take inventory of myself and I realize I'm pretty awesome! :) And yet, I find I go after women that clearly are either not deserving of me or have little to offer.

A friend of mine once said that I have to stop trying to save people. Maybe so, but we all need a little rescuing now and then. Even me.

Different women same stuff

It's peculiar... I've met, known, gotten to know, many women. Different women, different ages, different cities, different circumstances, yet one thing remains the same. Actually, many things remain the same.
Women make excuses. Wait, I take that back. Both men and women make excuses, but since this is my blog, I'm focusing on women. When someone wants to make something happen they do it. When it's too hard, it has nothing to do with it being difficult. It means there's no interest. Despite the interest shown, it somehow seems dishonest to me.
I suppose I'd rather be outrightly rejected then led along.

Just can't forget me

Perhaps it's because I say it that it happens, but it is absolutely true, nevertheless. Women I've known, dated, whatever... they always come back or want back in. They text me out of nowhere, then want to meet and tell me how awesome I am. Why didn't they realize that before? 

Meh... anyway, what's great about about women is there are lots to make me forget about the others :) 

Found myself in Paris...

I used to laugh at the people who were "looking for themselves." Then I got lost. I got lost in thinking that I should want the same things as others. Or, perhaps that I had to prove to everyone, or maybe myself, that I could be as good or better than the next.
But in the silence. On my own. I question my actions. I cannot answer.
Finding home is not easy. I look for it in others, but finding home is within.

Confessions of a serial blogger

This is my catharsis. I have such random thoughts and can't explain how or why they enter my mind!

I'm cold. And being cold, I am thinking of someplace warm. Then i think of my various warm weather travels and BOOM!!! I think of a woman! aaaahhh!!!!

Then I think of air sickness and sea sickness :S

Then I think that maybe my inner ear/equilibrium is off.

Then I think that I'm cold and wish I was warm.

I want to be someplace warm

At my best

When I'm alone I think clearly. Free of all external distractions that prevent me from making my best decisions. Pressure affects all of us. If we are able to think about the good and bad in a complete way, I believe we are able to make the best decisions. Decisions that are made in the heat of the moment are often regrettable.

Trouble in Paradise

Many of the people I know have struggles in their relationships. When things are going great I'm envious of them. When they are going through their hardships, I'm pretty sure they wish they were me. 
How many people are stuck. How many people are afraid to leave. How many people look first before they leave.
I've met women that are involved and yet they are out looking. I suppose it doesn't bother me. It bother's me when they don't come clean with me. When they don't give me the choice.

I'm something else :)

LOL... this is my quote of December. As I sit in my hotel room in Chicago, waiting til next week to celebrate another awesome year alive. As I think about Paris, definitely one of my all time favourite places (if not most), I wonder what real romance and real love feel like. I have only experienced Paris in the worst of times. Yet Paris is always spectacular. It's something else. Nothing makes Paris suck. It just is awesome all the time. At least to me. So I will go, celebrate the day I was born and wonder what the future holds for a guy that wants to stop dating, but the world won't let me...

It's getting to the point...

Where I'm no fun anymore...

One of my favourite songs. I think there are lots of people in this situation. It makes me sad to think that things end. And when we know they are ending it sucks even more. Because despite knowing and wanting and needing it to end it hurts.

I responded to a facebook post

We never know where life takes us or what we are supposed to do or who the people that help us get there. It just sucks sometimes when things can't work and we really want them to work. Trying to hard doesn't work I suppose. But why is it everyone says you have to want it to get it! Hmmmmm...

I read my own blog

Because I forget what I think and what I have to say. If you haven't read my earliest posts I'd suggest you do!

i don't know everything

but I can certainly figure things out quickly!

The recent Tiger Woods news brought up a sore point with me. Here's a guy who cheated (allegedly). Why is it the guy takes the fall? What happened to drive him there?

Speaking for myself, when I have been with a woman in a relationship I have never needed to cheat. My needs were being met at home. BUT! I will add this - when things were bad at home and I was refused what I needed, I started to feel rejected and unloved. It was the first time I fully understood the cheating man's mind. I had thoughts and feelings that I was undesirable. I felt like sh-t. I started to notice other women. Then I started thinking that "since I am not getting it at home..."

Now there's lots more here, I acknowledge that. Ultimately, in a situation like that there is two choices both people have to make. Either the break up and move on without hating one another or they "allow" the actions by ignoring them.

It's about me I suppose

I've said it many times, but I guess I don't listen. I'm not easy to please. I must be hard to get along with or I must seem like the type of guy that is easily forgettable.

I've had the honour of meeting and knowing some of the most amazing women. Not just physically beautiful, but also smart, intelligent women. Things never seem to go well though. Strangely, none of them let go of the connection to me. For some reason they (and yes, more than one) never stop staying in contact. Maybe I'm too friendly. Maybe I'm the respectable type. Maybe I just an a--hole.