Small talk

I've, sadly, gotten to a point where I just don't care to make small talk. It seems so pointless. After all, I only want to get to the point. There's a time limit. If we don't act quickly we lose the chemistry that exists for a precise point in time.

Small talk is the ultimate "un" aphrodisiac.

Truth in advertising...

We all dress well, present well, try so hard to make a great first impression. What happens when we can't keep that up? I try to be me, clutzy, I say the wrong things, I say too much, I act aloof... all things that I do on a normal day. I like to think I am an accurate representation of what's to come in the future.

Unfortunately, some of the women I meet misrepresent themselves when I meet them. That sucks.

Burberry scarves and other things...

I realized some time ago that I could give girls really nice things. Things they'd appreciate and perhaps they may prove deserving. Then I bought this quite exquisite Burberry scarf. I mean, I loved this thing. I bought it in Switzerland. It was f#@king expensive. I almost gave it to this girl because she had one and had lost it, but who knows, maybe she lied about that too!

I had this scarf sitting in a Burberry bag, all wrapped in Burberry stuffing lol. It's cold outside. I didn't give it to her. I wear it. I deserve it. It makes me feel warm.

So the lesson learned, once again, is buy myself nice stuff because I deserve it and I appreciate me.

I think we all need to appreciate ourselves more.

Snoring, teeth grinding and sleeping over

The first two are among the reasons I don't like women sleeping over. I can't sleep with someone else in my bed or in my condo for that matter.

Women feel extremely comfortable around me and they just fall asleep and act like it's totally fine to stay over.

Addicted to youth

Young women are the most awesome thing on earth. As women age they get better, no doubt about that, but there's something I love about girls under 24. I was thinking about a bartender I met a couple summers ago. She's an amazing, bright, engaging girl. She turned 21 last year.

In the time we've known each other we have become close. She has a boyfriend. She told me that the day we met. We have sex occasionally. She still has a boyfriend. I know, we probably suck, but the fact is, we give each other something we each need. I like that we have total open and honest, no holds barred discussions. Very few people know the things we know about each other.

Distance

I can be distant when I feel as if I am not being treated with the attention and appreciation I deserve. Many women have experienced it. I get distant, removed, quiet. I'm not rude, but I certainly don't speak as much. I'm not as outgoing as I am normally and I don't try as hard. I become indifferent.

It only occurs after I have invested my energy, my time, my interest and effort into making her feel good. For some reason, many women take this for granted. I don't like that. If I don't "feel the love" or get the attention I deserve, I'm done.

Why do we forget

I don't forget much, but I have forgotten a lot of women. That really bothers me. I sometimes sit and think about the ones I have forgotten. I may remember faces, but I can't remember their names.

I know the loss of memory is a coping mechanism. Unfortunately, I never forget the ones I NEED and WANT to forget. The ones that I fall for, the ones that make me crazy and make me act irrationally. Doing crazy and stupid things that I later regret.

Needs and wants

I'm not sure how to categorize my desires. Some may seem like wants, but they are really needs. Some I feel are needs, but really they are wants. Let me illustrate.

I really need a girlfriend that appreciates me etc etc. But I think this is a want rather than a need.

I really want a sexy young girl to be available when I want her to be. This isn't a want, it's actually something I need.

It's all perspective.

We didn't know until we were told

As I am continually being told, by advertising, "this may be the year I find that special someone." I never thought of this before, but it occurred to me as I watched this online dating commercial, that the situation so many of us find ourselves has been carefully crafted and created.

How many of us knew we were really alone or that we hadn't found that "special someone" until we were told that this mythical person may exist!

I forgot to finish the last post

The first girl I met, I met from a website. She was 31 at the time. After a few phone calls we knew we had the ability to converse, so it seemed worth a lunch. When we met she said something to me that was such a keen insight into me that even I didn't know it.

She said that she got the sense I was not serious about getting into a relationship. That I was looking for something a little more recreational. Her biological clock was ticking and she knew she needed a guy that would marry her and start a family.

We stayed in touch and we still talk occasionally, three years later. Well, she was right. I love sleeping with lots of women. And I still do. She got married about a year ago. She recently got divorced. In the time she was off the market, I think I slept with about two dozen women :)

Who was first

As a newly single male three years ago, I was really lost. I did, what I suspect most guys who have been out of the dating pool for as long as I was, did. I thought immediately that I needed to find a replacement/rebound/distraction female. But I knew better this time around. And since I was living at my friends' house, my choices were limited.

I decided I'd try online dating. It had worked once before during one of the few times I broke up with the same woman. It should work again. Sad to say, it didn't. It was a rude awakening and almost the exact thing I didn't need right then. It was a total insecurity enhancing place.

I have never been the guy that women see in pictures and immediately fall in love with. If I was, I'd be an actor. It also occurred to me that being on a regular dating site offered no unique selling proposition for me. Afterall, I was 38, unemployed and living in my friends' guest bedroom.

Art of negotiation

When I truly have no interest in someone, I have all the power. I can name "my price" so to speak. It's easy to get what I want. But who wants to be in a situation like that? I have certainly taken advantage of that situation when it has presented itself.

Karma seems to give us opportunities to have our cake and eat it too especially when we have been on the receiving end of a bad deal. lol

Every date is a negotiation. That's the approach I take. I evaluate what I have to offer then I weigh it against what the girl has to offer me. What throws this thesis out the window is me not going in with my lack of interest. If I am genuinely interested and want the girl, I don't fully value my assets.

I love white women :)

Not to say I haven't tried the other flavours :) But, it took me 40 years to do it! And I have to admit that I still love my women white, preferably of European origin. I love Olive Skin too. :)

I have yet to figure out why I'm the way I am, but I can say I have ventured from my customary diet.

Women are truly awesome.

Slip slidin' away...

This Paul Simon song speaks to many people. If not for the specifics, for the general message and tonality.
How many of us have been complicit in our own lives. Failed to make the decisions we should have. Taken a chance, left a situation when we should have, not when circumstances force us. Far too many of us have small regrets. None are major. We lie to ourselves and say there are no regrets we have.
I use regret to change my behaviours. Live.

First of 2010

Hurt lingers when love never fully ends. Do we ever stop caring for the ones we once loved. The feelings change. The hurt is different.

I'm a better man. Smarter. Smarter in the realization that I am forever learning and curious and willing to consistently get hurt.

I'm accepting my desire, need and sheer physical hunger to feast on the pleasure that surrounds me.