Balancing logic and emotions

Whenever I find myself getting too emotional I rely on my negotiation skills. An important concept in negotiations is not being over zealous. I counter my desire my ensuring I have options. This way, I am not fully vested into anyone.

I know that sounds cold, but within the context of dating, I keep my options open at all times. I don't burn my ships right away and go full on into "this is the person." That's a huge mistake which clouds my judgement and my ability to control supply and demand. 

Can't be what I'm not

Baggage, no baggage, patterns, no patterns, unrealistic expectations, no expectations, none of it matters. At my core, I am who I am. I am over analytical. I measure and weigh. I observe and deduce. I mostly strive to be brutally honest with myself. No point in lying to me!

What I have realized is I just don't want a relationship bad enough. When I want something badly, I work my ass of to get it. When I don't, well, that's where the term "half-ass" originates.

Ideas

Powerful, yet fragile. We all know the Victor Hugo quote "there's nothing more powerful than an idea whose time has come." All great achievements and endeavours began as a simple idea. Relationships are no different.

What happens along the way? Do we build our empire only to see it torn apart by individual wants and desires? There will always be those who live and die by the idea, but ideas are indeed fragile. They must be vigilantly defended and nurtured. Our failures, our weaknesses, our inability to stay the course. I think these are the things that ultimately lead to our demise.

We look back at our glory days, the good times. What happens? They are moments in time. Then other small things erode those great times, our victories. 

Insecurities surface

Only when I become attracted enough to become vulnerable do I then fully experience my insecurities. It's been so easy categorizing my relationships into meaningful friendships and recreational pursuits.

Why did I choose to go down this road again. Old feelings of trust, rejection and abandonment surface. Why do emotions complicate things? Living with heart doesn't offer any more upside highs than living thoughtfully and logically. In fact, I think it's just plain stupid.

Sail on…

OK, so I listen to Lionel Ritchie. The man has made some great music. I was recently listening to "Sail on" and I was taken by the lyrics. All I can say is listen to it. Sail on :)

In nothing, there's something

I have been feeling extremely emotionally healthy. It sort of crept up  on me. In looking back almost 4 years now, I knew the day would come, the day I didn't feel hurt or pain. I do hang on to some anger, purposefully. I have always done that as a defense mechanism.

But this nothingness has become something new. I feel no void in my life. I have no desire or wish to nest or to mate. I'm not quite sure what I feel. When I figure it our I'll let you know.

Getting even

Revenge is never recommended, but admittedly, it is very satisfying. I've had cause over the years to exact my anger against those who have deserved it. (Writing this makes me laugh).