When it comes to relationships, all forms of them, each party has their own version of reality - a subjective reality. Ask two people what happened, you get two stories, from two different perspectives.
When a relationship ends, one of you is hurt more than the other. The initiator has had plenty of time to mentally break-up, mourn the end of the relationship and begin to move on. Then you get the news - surprise! But, I argue that none of us who have ever been lucky (yes, lucky) to ever to have been in that position were really totally blindsided. We just had our own subjective reality. We are so blinded by our emotions and what we see the other person as, we fail to really look for a deeper meaning. After all, if we did that, we'd be suspicious, untrusting people right? There are so many perspectives, it's numbingly circular.
Who's to say what you should do. I have been in both situations. Have you ever wanted to say something, but you didn't, then as time passes on it gets harder to say because then you get into the "why didn't you tell me earlier" scenario.
What's right? What's respectful? My view of the world is we all have to take responsibility for ourselves and our own happiness. I'm starting to believe that in order for you to be happy you have to make YOU the priority. I don't think being selfish is necessarily wrong. What good are you to you and everyone around you if you are unhappy with the decisions you make? What happens when you don't ask or demand what it is you need or want?
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